Dropping the Armor🛡️
The Trap of the "Strong" Leader
Fierce Compassion requires boundaries, not walls.
Patriarchy is a cunning system. Its greatest trick isn't forcing us to submit to it; its greatest trick is convincing us to internalize its tools and call it "strength."
For women in leadership and specifically for Black women, this internalized patriarchy often manifests as the "Strong Black Woman" trope. As theologian and psychologist Dr. Chanequa Walker-Barnes outlines in her book Too Heavy a Yoke, this expectation to be endlessly resilient, fiercely independent, and constantly self-sacrificing is not a badge of honor. It is a patriarchal trap designed to extract our labor without requiring our care.
To survive in systems of control, we build armor. (A concept deeply explored by researcher Brené Brown). We put up walls, we refuse to ask for help, and we try to "save" everyone around us. But armor is heavy. And while it might keep the arrows out, it also keeps the love out.
🧠The Brain Science
When we operate in a state of chronic hyper-independence, believing we have to carry the weight of our teams and families alone, we experience allostatic overload. Our nervous systems are perpetually bracing for impact.
Over time, this literally degrades our cognitive function and physical health. If you feel yourself constantly reacting instead of responding, it may be time to revisit our 90-Second Pattern Interrupt Protocol to reclaim your brain. We burn out because our bodies were designed for co-regulation (community), not isolation (armor).
🎯What LBA Elevates
LBA elevates Boundaries over Armor. Armor is a wall built out of fear to keep people away. A boundary is a line drawn out of love to show people where the door is. We also elevate the difference between saving people (which is a patriarchal form of control) and loving people (which requires allowing them their own agency).
⭐Leadership Practice: The Boundary Check
As Prentis Hemphill beautifully stated, "Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously."
Spot the Armor: Where are you refusing to ask your team for help because you want to appear "strong"?
Set the Boundary: Where are you currently "saving" a team member from the consequences of their own actions? This week, step back. Let them hold their own weight, so you can have the energy to hold yours.
🌸The Invitation
You do not have to be the savior of your organization. You do not have to wear the heavy yoke of constant strength. Drop the armor. Build the table. Let yourself be supported.
With grace and boundaries,
